The weight of the day lay heavy
upon my fragile shoulders, bones
creaking, moaning whispers of pain
and agony to my weary mind, begging
for liquor to lull my body into a deep sleep.
It was a day that began as any other,
where I rose before the sun, and the
breeze brought frost and tears to my eyes.
And maybe it was the frost, but there was
something in the air that was different today,
and I knew what it was, except the words to
define it escaped my trembling, frigid lips.
It was one of those moments, where you walk
into a room and immediately forget why you
made the journey in the first place, so you
retrace your steps, only to be left with this
feeling of loss, struggling to remember
a purpose for walking, and you attempt to
trick your mind, telling yourself to forget it,
but it’s all you can focus on for hours.
It’s as if I’m trying to remember someone
that I have not met yet, creating this image
of perfection in my mind, anything to erase
any painful remaining thoughts of you.
A distant feeling of loss, where there is
nothing missing, and I try to reach out and
grab onto the memories that seem to dissipate
and turn into smoke, escaping my ears,
but they slip away through the cracks
in my hands, where your fingers once fit
oh so perfectly.
So here I am, with the weight of the day
and the growing emptiness inside of my
chest, searching for something I can not recall
as I trace the letters you wrote on these
tattered and old Valentines Day cards.
The weight of the day lay heavy
It took me a while to forget you,
who am I kidding, it took me a lifetime,
weeks, months, years, to repress the sweet
memories of your face, the taste of your kiss.
But I remember the exact moment, where
I finally let you go.
I had met someone else, who had
bright hazel eyes and created the most
magnificent words with the twist of his
wrist, a writer, a dreamer, a passionate lover.
And we shared our secrets, poured our hearts
out, whispering dreams to the empty bottles
of whiskey that laid before us, but something,
oh, there was something that felt so strange.
It was almost as if you were there with us,
you were trapped in my mind, and even with
someone else opening their chest to me,
running their fingers through my hair and
kissing me so lightly, with their eyes shut
so tightly, I couldn’t shake you from my sight.
But there was this moment, I’ll never forget it,
when he and I were sharing a glass of wine on
the porch, watching the stars, when I thought
of your face, except it wasn’t your face anymore,
no, I couldn’t remember what you looked like.
And then I tried to think of your kiss, or the
warmth of your touch, and those memories had
escaped my mind too. I thought I should be sad,
but the absent images of you lightened my stride,
lifted a weight from my heart, as if I could finally
give it away to someone new, a person who
truly deserved me.
It took me years, but I finally let you go,
like a nightmare, you will remain just a
sheer thought and a reminder of the pain
I had to endure to find true love.
My eye lids are heavy, but in a
new way, I haven’t felt this before,
as if weights were tied to my lashes
and I struggle, even whisper to
my eyes to fight through this
pain of exhaustion and defeat.
There’s a pounding in my temple
a screaming in my mind, but I’m
too frightened to close my eyes,
terrified I’ll wake up on the other
side, the unknown darkness that
haunts me, lurking behind corners.
Take another pill.
These white, chalky friends of
mine, new found lovers that dance
in my mouth, tickle my tongue
and glide down my throat with a
swig of what ever type of liquid
I can get my greedy claws on.
Wait, I have claws now?
It must be my new friends speaking
for me, they are sneaky, and I can
hear them, the sweet innocent
voices lulling me to sleep.
My arms feel as if the bones have
been removed, and I can feel my
heart beat in my throat, I’m falling
into a deep slumber on a bed made
of feathers, but I haven’t seen a bird
I fight back screams and tears,
but I’m numb, I can’t feel a thing,
the only thing I wan tot do is
choke another pill down
to relieve the pain and forget your face.
What more is “love”
than a tangle of sounds
falling delicately from our lips?
Why is it so beautiful and
warm, how can it trigger
memories still alive in our
minds; the ones we treasure,
some we’ve made up,
and most we fight to forget.
What makes this word
so powerful, wonderful,
I want to know what’s so good
about this word, why wars
have been fought, tears have been
shed, books have been written
all for the sake of this one,
four letter word.
What’s so good about love, anyways?