Cold night at the theme parks with my boy and his baby sister!
We sat there on the park bench
making bets, pinky swears, and dares.
The air was cold, and I watched
my breath before me as if it were
a cloud of smoke escaping my lungs
and dissipating to reside with the clouds.
He packed a picnic of my favorite foods
and a bottle of vodka into a warm basket,
the grass was moist from last night’s snow
so we sat on the bench, and used the table cloth as
a blanket, draping it over our shoulders,
what a wonderful excuse to feel his
warm bones so close to mine.
I felt safe there, with his heavy arm
perfectly positioned over my back,
holding onto me, and pulling me close.
We stared out across the park into the city,
he took my trembling fingers into his,
and blew into our tight fists.
I could smell the sharp scent of vodka
escaping the cracks between my curled hand,
and felt his weathered and rough palms
as they scraped against mine.
I pinky swore that I would write a poem
just for him, one of sweet words, and
a hint of humor, just as he wanted.
But it was my turn to dare him into
an embarrassing stunt, I silently wished
he had chosen, Truth, so I could make
him confess his heart’s true feelings,
those secret dreams of me.
I dare you to be different,
I dare you to believe in magic,
strange and distant lands that only
exist in the far off corners of our
wild imagination, I dare you to sing
in the shower, and dance in the rain,
I dare you to dream, wish on shooting stars,
but most of all,
I dare you to love.
I danced to the silence,
sang our favorite song
I baked those cupcakes,
before I realized you were gone.
It was the dead of March
or some random month,
still stuck between always and forever.
Writing down your lies
before tearing them apart.
How could I yearn for someone
that filled my heart with the
darkest shades of hatred,
who invited the misery and
depression to consume my thoughts,
even the most beautiful of dreams,
stealing and naming them
as your own.
How is it that I lay awake
and can’t seem to drink your
face out of my nightmares,
why do you steal the hours,
minutes and seconds of my life
just to return and torture me with
your new lover, new home,
and new life, one without me.
I beg my mind, scream into the
salty, tear soaked pillows before sleep
that you will not plague my mind,
and suck the sanity from
my tar stained lungs.
You were a burning in my
heart that would never die out,
a flash flood of tears when
I had to do the hardest thing,
and walk away from our life together.
I can say that I miss you,
that will always be true, but
you stole pieces of me, like a
cancer I could never abandon,
and now look what you’ve done to me.
You were a stone cold killer,
my favorite disease.
It was a day like any other,
where I’m running so fast
it feels like my feet don’t
even touch the ground.
I collapsed on my bed,
and there he was.
He sang me a lullaby,
soft words rolling off
his sweet tongue while
my weary head was
gently resting on the pillow.
The sky was a mysterious blend
of blue and grey shades
floating silently together
above my heavy lids.
Little darling, rest those
beautiful hazel eyes,
we have all night to
lay here together, my
favorite time of day when
your arms intertwine with mine.
We can break all the clocks,
time is just a series of numbers
counting your day away,
just stay in the moment with me.
I know it’s hard to keep those
eyes open after so many
busy hours, but please, if you
could just keep them open a
little longer, so I can recite
all the details I love about your sight.
I wrote you a four letter word
but those simple letters will
never describe the way my
tired heart beats for you.
Sleep now, but not before
I kiss every freckle on
your face, and sing you to sleep.
I just want to be someone’s favorite person.
The first thing they think of every morning,
to be the poison they select each night.
But isn’t that normal, isn’t that a
typical human characteristic?
To wish to be desired, wanted, loved.
This isn’t a poem, just a rant, a quick thought before I pop another pain killer and try to go to sleep. I feel like my mind is ripping apart.
I need some new inspiration.