I have disappeared.
Slowly fading away, like the early
morning mist, drifting away into the
unknown, with no path, no destination
in sight, I simply faded away into the darkness.

I was beautiful once, I swear it,
full of life, passion, and dreams,
I sure was a sight to see.
But something went cold inside of me,
late one evening when sleep seemed like
something I had only read about, but could
never fully grasp, I laid awake, staring at
the cracks in the ceiling, wondering why
my life seemed so empty.

At one time I was loved,
it was my warm and caring heart,
my smile that lit up the dark city streets,
and the wild dreams my mind would conjure,
I made it easy for men to love me.
But there is a difference between lust and love,
and I found myself sleeping alone each night
tangled in cold sheets, wondering why I had
made it so easy for men to leave me.

So I began to fade, drift, dissipate, become smoke
and disappear into the darkness of corners,
silently transforming into a transparent girl,
the illusive, absent lover, the one that years ago,
you longed to make your own.

I ran away from the city, from the light,
and to be honest, I ran from myself, my fears.
And now I will remain to you, only a memory,
the shadow, the foggy image of the painted dreamer
the girl you once loved.

I stood there staring out at the
crashing satin waves as they
tumbled into each other and
created a frothy, thundering melody.
I felt the breeze stir through my
bouncing chestnut curls, and
tasted the salt in the humid air.
The grains of rocks crunched
between my toes, I closed
my eyes and drifted far away
from this empty island I call home.

Sometimes I find myself
dreaming with my eyes open,
my thoughts rising above the
pillowy clouds above,
thinking, pondering, wishing
that there was something more
to this simple life I call my own.

There is a whole world out there,
I’ve heard of it, read stories of distant
lands I can only picture in my most
wild and distant dreams.
Some nights you will find me smiling
behind closed lids, imagining a world
of passion, love, beauty.
A reality full of dreamers.

And when I wake I feel as if
I’ve lost something, but I can’t
seem to remember exactly what it was.
Maybe not a tangible object, but
something much more, a feeling
deep within my soul that evaporated
when the sun peeked through my window
and shook me from a peaceful slumber.

Do you ever wake up and wonder
if there is more to life?

I dream of love
a life where the suffering
has all but vanished.
Where my soul drifts
with the smoke from
my lungs to reside
in the clouds moist
with dreams and rays
of sunlight it has caught.

I dream of hate
a burning sensation
of fire and malice trapped
in the dark void where
my heart used to beat.
I dream of nothingness
a black confusion where
there is no sound or
thoughts to be had in
such a barren wasteland.
 
I dream of no love,
no hatred, not even the
sense of nothingness,
and these still
are my dreams.